Aftermath
Is love all bout making phone calls every night ? She knows i'm really running out of cash, she knows i'm broke. I was really talking to my dad when she called me and my phone battery dead when i was talking with her, but she never believed anything i say. Its not some fucking excuses, its the god damn reasons !!!
She thinking i'm scared of my brothers. What the fuck, i'm not some fucking coward. I already explained her that my brothers doesn't like me wasting my dad's money on reloading my phone prepaid. Also that. i don't like to talk on phone with my girlfriend in front of my brothers because i feel fucking awkward and uneasy with that, not that i'm fucking coward. I'm running away from nobody !!! But for that she called me.. i'm full of nonsense, isn't it ? For her i'm a fucking nonsense.
She says i dont love her and i've changed, i'm not the same just because i'm not calling and talking with her properly. She get irritated with me so easily, even thou i don't do a damn thing wrong. She never fucking appreciate my existence in her life, thats the truth. I haven't ate even an ice cream for the past few weeks, not even chocolates or a proper drink. I'm surviving mainly on sandwich bread and plain water to save money so i can reload my phone and call her. I'm suffering so much but she never cares about all that. Not even once.
Everytime she spend time with another guy on phone, she get attracted to them and lost interest on me. This is the moments when she gets irritated with me even if i do a single and most simplest mistake. She'll ask me to call just to tell me that she had a wonderful long chat on phone with that asshole. Whatever good i do becomes wrong and whatever wrong i do becomes a deadly sin. Its not the first time happening, it happens all the time and if i try to explain to her she will say something like "Ohw, so its all my fault la now" or "Yea, yea.. whateva laa.. you are always right, i'm wrong.. you are the perfect one". These are the moments when she makes me wanna give up on her.
I wish i can ask her, if i'm so fucking lame and he is funny why you fall in love with me ? Why don't you just go stick with that asshole and let him humor you all day long. If i make a joke, its lame and stupid right then for WHAT FUCK YOU LOVE ME WHEN YOU DONT LIKE ME !!!? Is it something like, you only love me but you dont like me, you like that asshole very much, is that it ? Bcoz he is much betta looking, he is funny and interesting and can make you laugh all fucking day long !!!
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Break Up !!???
Another day of my life, full of shit. I hate it so much, why the hell i have to go through all this, for what fucking reasom i'm still alive. Can you imagine how it feels when you tell your girl dat she is the only one you have, she is the only one you love and she reply back
"Can you stop your stupid nonsense. I don't have to listen to this crap from you".
Ohw my god, do you know how broken i felt when i read that message ? I sank deep down into this fucking earth, couldn't feel my breathe for a while. Why she treating me like this ? Am i not good enough for her ? Is that what she thinking. I felt like a piece of meat.. cold and dead.
Well, i just asked if she can treat me a bit better, atleast like a human and not animal but she end up wanna break up for asking that !! WHAT THE FUCK !!!!???? Damn !!! I'm sooo pissed off, fucking pissed off. I didn't do a damn thing wrong yet she treat me like a piece of shit and when i her why she treating me like this, she asking for break up. What the fuck.. what the fuck.. what the fuck is happening. Ohw god.. fucking god.. can you atleast tell me what the fucking hell is going on ?
Now she blaming me for not being understanding. How the hell am i suppose to understand without knowing a damn thing !! I dunno whats going on with her, she isn't explaining anything to me, she is getting pissed off with me for no fucking reason and she expect me to understand. What am i ? Some fucking magician with mind reading skills. Not enough with that, now she says i'm lame and some fucking actor.
Dinesh !!! That motherfucker pissing me off alot. This is fucking too much. He irritated her and left for me coz i'm the one suppose to suffer the consequences while he is busy fucking that stupid dad-fucking blown-up-asshole bitch !!! Well, you can go to him now ! You are free !! Just go !! He can buy for you roses which he asked another girl to choose the colour to make her jealous and break up with her boyfriend and he'll break coconut at the temple for your exam results ! Hah.. what a fucking lie.. i wonder how she could fall for such stupid lie. A guy breakin coconut for a girl which isn't even his friend yet.. wow.. amazing.. suppose to be the 8th wonder of the world. I dunno why girls can be cheated so easily.. damn.. they'll believe anything sweet a guy says. If only i can lie like them too, damn.. honesty is a piece of shit nowadays.
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Jealous
She is jealous over him. Why ? I think its not only bcoz he used to love her and now going out with another girl, i think its also bcoz he is fucking good looking !! If only he looks like some 3rd degree burn zebra face, i can bet a million she wont get jealous even thou he really really love her till willing to die for her. Now i understand, its all bcoz of the look. She wish her boyfriend is tall and good looking like him too, thats why. If only i'm a very very good looking guy, let say like becks then i can bet another million she wont get jealous over him coz i'm much better looking. This guy dinesh really pissing me off and god, you too.
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Bored Of Me ?
Finally, she got bored of me. Even thou i'm already expecting this to happen, i didn't expect it would happen so early. We've been in relationship for just a month and six days and she already got bored of me. What the fuck am i suppose to do ? I wish i can tell her that i don't want her to love me coz of sympathize. I rather wish she leave me than forcing herself to be with me and love me against her own will.
I kept asking again and again bout it and now she got irritated and called me being pessimistic. Well, i wish she is in my place now and i wish she can feel how hurt it feels when your loved one told you dat you are boring ! I dont think she will call me being pessimistic ever again.
Its all must be coz of that so-called good looking nice guy, Dhinesh. But i cant blame him thou, my girlfriend too gorgeous dat she attract almost every guy dat knows her and also he don't know she is in relationship with me. Life so fuck'd up today. I hate this !!! I wonder whats coming up next..
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A glowing soul,
Tainted Black.
And silver hair
Stained with blood.
You left us all
With no hope.
Walk the path
Paved with ashes.
Feel the thorns,
Hear the screams.
An angel bright,
A lonely wing.
The wounds so deep
Scarred your heart.
Judgement Day -
Meteor is coming,
Drawing nearer,
Consume in fire.
I always know
I am your god.
A smile so sad
Upon your death;
Relieved to leave,
A pain to end.
No feelings left
That's what I am.
A one winged angel,
Here left to die.
